Thought of the day....

I've been thinking that I think way to much and speak way to little.

It takes me hours to go to sleep at night because I do not know how to actually shut my brain off...so there I lie and the thoughts keep coming like a movie playing in my head.  I really wish I knew how to speak up more for what I believe in, what I want and how I feel....it would probably make getting to know me a whole lot easier for some people and it would save me a whole lot of issues if I'd voice my feelings more then stuff'em till they explode. 

You know I get really frustrated and angry sometimes. My battle with fear feels like it's never ending too.  I do not like how I feel inside when I get frustrated...angry or fearful...and I do not like how my feelings explode in to yelling matches because I left them to simmer and fester and grow inside for a while instead of voicing them right away.  

God gave us feelings I know but we are not to be enslaved to them. We are to be a enslaved to faith.... to God!  This is soo hard to do.  I know for a fact I probably walk in fear more then in faith and  I need to desperately change this.  I want to walk by faith and kick fear out of the car but.....yeah....sometimes it just seems so much easier to fear and worry then to walk in faith. 

 Do you know that sometimes I'll ask myself or even my husband..."what was I worrying about again?....I was worrying about something and I can't think of it now!" To me this means worry is more of a habit for me then faith and trust. I don't like it!! 

I need to stop being afraid of who I am....afraid to voice who I am and what I stand for.  God created me and the character traits that he gave me....I need to be using for him. Not bottling them up inside where no one can see.  Does this make sense?  Am I ashamed of this girl God made....I want to say no...never! But then why am I hiding who I am to the world and most of the people around me.  

Being quiet and shy... mysterious because of fear and worry is comfortable....living out loud....being real with people about the good and not so good is hard, very very hard!

ROM 10:17: 

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.